Choosing a Parenting Time Schedule

Many divorcing parents struggle with creating a parenting time schedule that works best for them and their family. However, some parents may be surprised to learn that specific parenting time schedules work better for children of specific ages. Other than age, there are many other factors to consider when deciding on a parenting time schedule—the relationship between the parents, the proximity of both parents’ homes from one another or from the exchange location, the maturity and developmental stage of the child, whether exchanges will occur at school or daycare, and the parents’ work schedules.

Most parenting time schedules run on a two-week rotation. There are several commonly used equal parenting time schedules, as shown below:

2-2-3 Schedule: In this schedule, each parent has two days “on”/two days “off” with the child(ren) during the week, flip-flopping the specific two days between parents each week.  Parents rotate every other full weekend.

2-2-5-5 Schedule: In this schedule, the child would spend the same two weekdays with each parent during the week, with the parents rotating weekends.

3-4-4-3 Schedule In this schedule, the child spends three days with one parent and four days with the other parent, then four days with the first parent, and three days with the following parent.

Some parents may prefer to have fewer exchanges each week, in which case they might consider a week-on, week-off schedule, or a two-week alternating schedule.

For parents not seeking an equal parenting time schedule, there are many more options to consider. In this case, the parents can create their own schedule based purely upon family needs. These parents might consider one parent having a few nights per week and every other weekend.  Alternatively, they may consider an “extended weekend” schedule where one parent has the child every Friday-Monday. However, some parents may only want weekend parenting time, or some parents may only want weekday parenting time—this all depends on each parent’s personal and work schedules. This is why it is important that parents flesh out their employment schedules, school schedules, and transportation times before setting a permanent parenting time schedule.

Deciding on a parenting time schedule that is developmentally appropriate for your child can be difficult. There are many developmental factors to consider: the age of the child; each parent’s involvement with care; the quality of parental interaction; the degree of consistency of care between households; safety; the child’s preference; the child’s level of trust with each parent; the extent to which the child is exposed to conflict in each home; the child’s degree of comfort in each home; and each parent’s ability to support the other parent’s relationship with the child.

Infants and Toddlers:

Infants and toddlers have a limited ability to adapt to changes in their environment, which makes them more vulnerable to difficulty with transitions. They also heavily rely on primary attachment figures to manage their discomfort. The best care for an infant or toddler is care that is sensitive, responsive, and consistent. If the parenting time schedule is not developmentally appropriate, the child can experience emotional distress, physical health issues, and social impairments. For these reasons, a parenting time schedule that minimizes the amount of exchanges and incrementally expands over time (a gradually increasing schedule) is most appropriate. However, it is difficult to specifically plan a gradually increasing schedule without first seeing how the child adapts to the first few months of exchanges.

Parents should stay flexible with parenting time schedules for infants and toddlers and should start with the majority of the time with the primary parent to whom the child is most attached. Overnights should only be recommended when both parents have substantial and frequent involvement in day-to-day care. Exchanges should be accommodated around the child’s own sleeping and eating schedule. The secondary parent (for lack of a better term) should begin with a few hours for one or two days a week, then increase to weekends, and eventually a weekend overnight once the child is comfortable in both homes. As they get older (18 months-3 years), you can transition to two days and one overnight each week, and then more time as they become more adjusted.

Young Children:

Children can understand time and the pattern of a schedule by age 4. They can also maintain relationships without physical contact, such as over the phone. That being said, school age children often have the most difficult time adapting to the emotional components of a divorce and changes in households. They may start to feel conflicted about being loyal to one parent over the other. However, they can also tolerate longer periods of time away from either parent. Less frequent transitions are usually helpful for academic success, but both parents may not feel comfortable with going a full week without seeing their young child. School age children also benefit from a concrete understanding of time and where they will be going, so having a visual schedule for these children is helpful. A week-on-week off, 2-2-3, 2-2-5-5-, or 3-4-4-3 schedule can all work for young children, but parents can experiment with what works specifically for their family.

Teenagers:

Teenagers notoriously begin to express more independence and a greater sense of self-identity than they did in their younger years. They may already have strong feelings about what they want in a parenting time schedule and may protest to a schedule that they don’t agree with. Teenagers may be more interested in a schedule that allows them more access to their social relationships, extra-curricular activities, and fewer “rules.” They also will likely resist a strict schedule that doesn’t allow for sufficient individual decision-making and freedom. Both parents should discuss these considerations with their teenager and determine if the teenager should be on the same parenting schedule as any younger siblings, or if they can create and manage their own schedule under their own terms. That being said, it is important to remember that while teenagers are seemingly more mature and reasonable than younger children, their decision-making and complex-thinking skills are not fully developed until their mid-20s. Parents should consider a teenager’s preference but not allow it to be the only controlling authority.

If you are seeking assistance with creating a developmentally appropriate parenting time schedule for your child, contact the family law attorneys at Heimerl & Lammers today at 612-294-2200.